i love the 'I MISS YOU ALL DAMNED MUCH' bit. so true. and if i were doing prac crit, the capital letters say it all :D and i deal with it like almost my whole long year here. sometimes i go out with like this bunch of girls and have fun, but it's never the same. maybe it's cos i'm always thinking that i'll never see them again in like about 1 year's time and there's no point forging a close bond with them, or maybe it's just cos they can never take the place of you guys in my heart. no matter what. no matter if we've changed, or tm becomes a housewife, or rui gets on Fortune's top 100 next year, it'll always be tm the tpter and rui the flautist to me :D it'll always be clarine lying on her belly, ponytail, homework on a chair, and scribbling frantically in the mornings, or a stealthy shunling dozing off by the timpanis, or arlin and maomao sitting by a house of cards she built, grinning proudly... no matter if chong marries a japanese boy and forgets how to speak english or if huiyan becomes a saintly grandma with tons of blissful grandchildren, i think the memories would stay the same. and i'll always miss you guys xD after getting used to seeing everyone like every single day of my life in secondary school, i don't think we'll ever feel that there is enough time to meet up.
haha but i'm glad we're all sharing the woes of being last-year students - or for me, 3rd year honours student - which means everything counts!- feeling like we should, before we graduate for good, at least pretend to be a good student. i was quite consistent this year, till yong jeng came over, and being lazy, i ponned like all my classes last week -.- except the one where i had to give a presentation. work hard and take care kk... (i must try to remember i'm not writing an email for tm only - though it feels pretty much like it now haha)
let the music take controll :D
Sunday, March 22
EH game again? so how's the work coming along? haha. i get what you mean. but for me, i get distracted no matter what. i talk to my sis, i walk up and down, i grab snacks. i cant sit still for even 30 minutes. so having the computer on wld be a HUGE distraction. haha. i take very long to settle down. and then once i do.. time to slp! hahhaha.
dun fret xy! havent you been doing fine so far.. apart from like a paper or two.. the last time you mentioned? you're not useless! not at all!
i think it's the final year in sch syndrome? like i keep feeling like i'm running out of time to do this and that. and how i should try my best to be an ideal student.. though it's not exactly working out very well.. what with all the issues that are on my hands now.. and i swear it's cause i backside itchy consider too many things that's why cannot solve! ARGH!
i havent gone for band the past week. so i guess i'm not enjoying pracs at the moment. haha. but i kinda brought the trp home.. so i'll see how. haha i understand the rationalism thing! makes sense :)
anyways. sunny days are happy days only in edin! hahhaha! sunny days are humid days here :( i wldnt mind if it was sunny and windy! haizz. but yes. okok. i shant give you THAT look. i DO have happy... moments la. thats why I MISS YOU ALL SO DAMNED MUCH! even though i'm thankful for certain things and people on this side. our batch really hasnt communicated much or met up for AGES. anyone rmb japfood last july. so long ago :(
dun fret xy! havent you been doing fine so far.. apart from like a paper or two.. the last time you mentioned? you're not useless! not at all!
i think it's the final year in sch syndrome? like i keep feeling like i'm running out of time to do this and that. and how i should try my best to be an ideal student.. though it's not exactly working out very well.. what with all the issues that are on my hands now.. and i swear it's cause i backside itchy consider too many things that's why cannot solve! ARGH!
i havent gone for band the past week. so i guess i'm not enjoying pracs at the moment. haha. but i kinda brought the trp home.. so i'll see how. haha i understand the rationalism thing! makes sense :)
anyways. sunny days are happy days only in edin! hahhaha! sunny days are humid days here :( i wldnt mind if it was sunny and windy! haizz. but yes. okok. i shant give you THAT look. i DO have happy... moments la. thats why I MISS YOU ALL SO DAMNED MUCH! even though i'm thankful for certain things and people on this side. our batch really hasnt communicated much or met up for AGES. anyone rmb japfood last july. so long ago :(
Tuesday, March 17
yay :D haha, this blog trashes fb anw...
i think i'm going online more cos i'm playing this mmrpg game xD and well, cos i have work to do. i'm not the kind who can stare at a 20 page article and finish reading at one go. i need to read 2 pages and then do something else for like 10 mins then come back, so it always takes me very long to read. if i actually combined the time that i spent reading, it might well be less than an hour -.-
i feel a bit worried cos it's 3rd year, and like i desperately feel like i need to perform, and there's always this bugging feeling that stb will kick me out cos i'm a useless bum. but yeah, i'm working on an essay now :( and a presentation on thurs.
but anw, enjoy pracs while u can! now it feels so far away i wonder if i ever knew it.
and about the rationalism thing, i'm doing this course called 'Realism in International Relations'. the lecturer was saying the real world (realpolitik) is very complex and nuanced, and unpredictable, and emotional, and subjective and contains many truths, so using science/rationalism to dissect and understand the real world to try and find the ONE truth...is like using a spoon to cut bread i.e. using the wrong tool. lol. hope that makes sense :D if not, it doesn't matter. haha!
anw, hope that was just like one gloomy day out of the many happy sunny days u're having :D haha don't give me that grumpy-who-says-i-have-happy-days look kk.. sunny days are all happy days. *hugzzz*
i think i'm going online more cos i'm playing this mmrpg game xD and well, cos i have work to do. i'm not the kind who can stare at a 20 page article and finish reading at one go. i need to read 2 pages and then do something else for like 10 mins then come back, so it always takes me very long to read. if i actually combined the time that i spent reading, it might well be less than an hour -.-
i feel a bit worried cos it's 3rd year, and like i desperately feel like i need to perform, and there's always this bugging feeling that stb will kick me out cos i'm a useless bum. but yeah, i'm working on an essay now :( and a presentation on thurs.
but anw, enjoy pracs while u can! now it feels so far away i wonder if i ever knew it.
and about the rationalism thing, i'm doing this course called 'Realism in International Relations'. the lecturer was saying the real world (realpolitik) is very complex and nuanced, and unpredictable, and emotional, and subjective and contains many truths, so using science/rationalism to dissect and understand the real world to try and find the ONE truth...is like using a spoon to cut bread i.e. using the wrong tool. lol. hope that makes sense :D if not, it doesn't matter. haha!
anw, hope that was just like one gloomy day out of the many happy sunny days u're having :D haha don't give me that grumpy-who-says-i-have-happy-days look kk.. sunny days are all happy days. *hugzzz*
Sunday, March 15
omg cin. now the blog has become our personal message board! hahahha!
didnt expect to see the next post so quickly. was ranting cause i thought no one'd see it til this thing blows over kind of thing. was just popping by again seeing as this is a sun.
ehh. the thing about being rational is that it would save you alot of heartache next time if you made the right (but difficult) choice instead of following your heart, which can be reckless sometimes. but yeah. i know it's hard to do so. it always is huh. but erms. i dun see the link between the spoon and bread thing and how it links to rationalism. which module was that? haa. that's interesting. though i'm a lil more receptive to what i'm learning now.. it's still rather dry and boring in comparison!
and i didnt realise it was friday the 13th. heh. dont notice such things anymore :x
eh and i guess both ways we look at the playing thing.. makes sense? it was indeed difficult to adapt to the different styles, people, discipline and all that. anger ruled/still rules most of the time when the frustration mounts. but still.. time with the instrument helps make the week more interesting and at times (especially in the past) bearable.
sometimes for me no matter how busy i am, i cannot pon a practice because that has been ingrained in me since a long time ago. and though i CAN pon technically, it just feels wrong. and pple just do it without batting an eyelid.
BUT don't be emo abt not playing anymore! you'd hafta get a new instrument to join right? and that'd be expensive. and your environment's completely different from what i have.. at least there's mr o, and mr i's nice.. like sometimes he'll talk abt familiar people and things during tutorship sessions. and though i'm like in a somewhat culturally different setting, yours is vastly different.
thats why i think that the exchange student from ur sch who joined us for our concert is v brave! like he'll join us for outings and meals before pracs even though he doesnt understand why we do stuff, even if the section isnt receptive to his comments, or even if he doesn't understand the mandarin/dialect that we typically lapse into. but i think it takes time to settle in too, so yah lor. both ways are difficult. haha. was just thinking the other day that it wld be nice if our batch cld just play together again. with this being the comp season, you start thinking abt things and pieces like dear giantrobo again. haha.
have you been busy? you seem to be constantly needing to rush essays (still?) last semester as well right? suddenly cin pops online and posts so often!
didnt expect to see the next post so quickly. was ranting cause i thought no one'd see it til this thing blows over kind of thing. was just popping by again seeing as this is a sun.
ehh. the thing about being rational is that it would save you alot of heartache next time if you made the right (but difficult) choice instead of following your heart, which can be reckless sometimes. but yeah. i know it's hard to do so. it always is huh. but erms. i dun see the link between the spoon and bread thing and how it links to rationalism. which module was that? haa. that's interesting. though i'm a lil more receptive to what i'm learning now.. it's still rather dry and boring in comparison!
and i didnt realise it was friday the 13th. heh. dont notice such things anymore :x
eh and i guess both ways we look at the playing thing.. makes sense? it was indeed difficult to adapt to the different styles, people, discipline and all that. anger ruled/still rules most of the time when the frustration mounts. but still.. time with the instrument helps make the week more interesting and at times (especially in the past) bearable.
sometimes for me no matter how busy i am, i cannot pon a practice because that has been ingrained in me since a long time ago. and though i CAN pon technically, it just feels wrong. and pple just do it without batting an eyelid.
BUT don't be emo abt not playing anymore! you'd hafta get a new instrument to join right? and that'd be expensive. and your environment's completely different from what i have.. at least there's mr o, and mr i's nice.. like sometimes he'll talk abt familiar people and things during tutorship sessions. and though i'm like in a somewhat culturally different setting, yours is vastly different.
thats why i think that the exchange student from ur sch who joined us for our concert is v brave! like he'll join us for outings and meals before pracs even though he doesnt understand why we do stuff, even if the section isnt receptive to his comments, or even if he doesn't understand the mandarin/dialect that we typically lapse into. but i think it takes time to settle in too, so yah lor. both ways are difficult. haha. was just thinking the other day that it wld be nice if our batch cld just play together again. with this being the comp season, you start thinking abt things and pieces like dear giantrobo again. haha.
have you been busy? you seem to be constantly needing to rush essays (still?) last semester as well right? suddenly cin pops online and posts so often!
Saturday, March 14
my darling tm
don't worry about being rational.
if my lecturer were here, he'd say: applying rationalism in real life is like cutting bread with a spoon. he has said it 7-8 times (the spoon thing and this American ACTUALLY went to try it) since the semester started (cos we've had about 7-8 weeks worth of classes o_O) humans are complex, and it's just inappropriate to be rational all the time xD i'm twisting his statement awfully but hey girl, we all need our emo times. PLUS it's fri the 13th today. i began to be emo since 12am today o_O when i spilt a cup of water all over my bagss and books.
about the playing thing, i thought the opposite. i thought it was the people who picked up their instrument, despite knowing that everything is different - the style, the people, the discipline, the mood, the practices - and despite knowing that it's so much easier to put it all down and run away from it, those are the people who are brave :) i feel horrible when i chose not to join the band here. i couldn't bear to see the difference. the attitude. if i were to fit in, i'll have to be like them - throwing my clarinet everywhere, and drinking alcohol during breaks. but somehow, i persuaded myself that i'll have to give up anyway, that i can't play anymore.. but inside of me, it feels like i'm lying to myself and that i'm giving up cos i can't drag myself out to band pracs that had familiar songs, but no familiar people; a familiar set-up but a different environment.
Applause for the people who continue playing till today.
Somehow I feel hypocritical calling myself a band girl still...
SEe, emo-ness.
don't worry about being rational.
if my lecturer were here, he'd say: applying rationalism in real life is like cutting bread with a spoon. he has said it 7-8 times (the spoon thing and this American ACTUALLY went to try it) since the semester started (cos we've had about 7-8 weeks worth of classes o_O) humans are complex, and it's just inappropriate to be rational all the time xD i'm twisting his statement awfully but hey girl, we all need our emo times. PLUS it's fri the 13th today. i began to be emo since 12am today o_O when i spilt a cup of water all over my bagss and books.
about the playing thing, i thought the opposite. i thought it was the people who picked up their instrument, despite knowing that everything is different - the style, the people, the discipline, the mood, the practices - and despite knowing that it's so much easier to put it all down and run away from it, those are the people who are brave :) i feel horrible when i chose not to join the band here. i couldn't bear to see the difference. the attitude. if i were to fit in, i'll have to be like them - throwing my clarinet everywhere, and drinking alcohol during breaks. but somehow, i persuaded myself that i'll have to give up anyway, that i can't play anymore.. but inside of me, it feels like i'm lying to myself and that i'm giving up cos i can't drag myself out to band pracs that had familiar songs, but no familiar people; a familiar set-up but a different environment.
Applause for the people who continue playing till today.
Somehow I feel hypocritical calling myself a band girl still...
SEe, emo-ness.
Friday, March 13
HAHAHA next post is almost a month later! so obsolete or not? hmmmm i wonder...
eh cin.. i dont really notice fb much, cause im not playing games on it anymore. haa. and i'm the opp of you. the more i need to check, i'll check obsessively to ensure i dont miss anything. but on prac days.. it's like.. i dun check anything for an entire day and i get paranoid the next day that i miss sth.. this semester it's not so bad.. but when we have projs to do.. it's really bad! you have to check like a couple of times a day! haha.
and talking about practice.. actually i came on to rant because i didnt really know where to put this. i think for the people who have stopped playing for so many years.. i think that took alot of courage. even if you miss your instrument greatly now..
dont know how to put this. but erms. 3 years ago it was like. i was sick and tired of being bad at the trumpet and all and was ready to retire for good. and then i picked up the trumpet again. and was still bad at it and carried on. if i were to give it up abruptly now, it's like. i'd be lost. haa. maybe i shld have stopped playing back then. it was easier to stop.. heh. but then i wld have missed out alot on uni life on this ulu pok campus..
guess what. rmb the last time we bawled in sec sch cause it seemed like our last band prac was like the end of the world? today, abruptly, i wanted to start bawling again. haha. being in the final yr really seems like.. the end of the world to me. stop playing? too busy next time? shelf life on trp has been extended for some time now, despite the love hate relationship with it and all. how do i stop?!
have no idea why i'm being so emo. but erms. need to rant. havent been ranting on the blog for some time now.. haha. i rmb all the emo posts made when i was still in year 1. you must be alarmed. dont be. i just need to find a way to be rational and erms. wean myself off the trp? haizzzz.
eh cin.. i dont really notice fb much, cause im not playing games on it anymore. haa. and i'm the opp of you. the more i need to check, i'll check obsessively to ensure i dont miss anything. but on prac days.. it's like.. i dun check anything for an entire day and i get paranoid the next day that i miss sth.. this semester it's not so bad.. but when we have projs to do.. it's really bad! you have to check like a couple of times a day! haha.
and talking about practice.. actually i came on to rant because i didnt really know where to put this. i think for the people who have stopped playing for so many years.. i think that took alot of courage. even if you miss your instrument greatly now..
dont know how to put this. but erms. 3 years ago it was like. i was sick and tired of being bad at the trumpet and all and was ready to retire for good. and then i picked up the trumpet again. and was still bad at it and carried on. if i were to give it up abruptly now, it's like. i'd be lost. haa. maybe i shld have stopped playing back then. it was easier to stop.. heh. but then i wld have missed out alot on uni life on this ulu pok campus..
guess what. rmb the last time we bawled in sec sch cause it seemed like our last band prac was like the end of the world? today, abruptly, i wanted to start bawling again. haha. being in the final yr really seems like.. the end of the world to me. stop playing? too busy next time? shelf life on trp has been extended for some time now, despite the love hate relationship with it and all. how do i stop?!
have no idea why i'm being so emo. but erms. need to rant. havent been ranting on the blog for some time now.. haha. i rmb all the emo posts made when i was still in year 1. you must be alarmed. dont be. i just need to find a way to be rational and erms. wean myself off the trp? haizzzz.
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