i'm back =)
and will be gone soon with huiyan hee!
met up with the band boys and tm, peixi (for a short while :( ) and hy (for a wonderful GSS shopping spreeeee and i bought new shoes for my japan trip. which reminds me hy and i haven't actually planned fully and i'm still worried about getting lost haha but all will be well. i always have the travel jitters the day before. i couldn't sleep last night x.x stayed wide awake till 4am) i digress. it was great seeing hy and tm and peixi (though i didn't get to talk much to peixi :( ) good luck for the exams dearrr~ though i'm sure u'll do perfectly fine - u always do *smiless* i love to shop with hy cos we always buy stuffff! YAY! and talking to tm was great =) there's always so much to talk about.. and it just makes me looooong to see all u girls again :( hopefully i'll be seeing chong in japan (as soon as she replies to my fb msg grrrr)
and i was reading my past posts.. and i was talking about my 'virtual' bf. haha we broke up and i have a new 'virtual' bf (mann i know u guys are thinking - omg she's like how old and she's still thinking about her virtual bf x.x haha! sorrry *duckss cl's rotten eggs*) he's like 17 and he's from the uk x.x (abit too close for comfort) and he's like this gangster who sells fake weed - 4 rolls for a tenner (he sprays grasss that he plucks randomly with disinfectant or something and pretends it's weed) and sells sugar as fake drug x.x and whose buddy got stabbed recently by this 'guy he knows' who fled the country and got dissed by his parents. haha how surreal. this is so irrelevant. =) but at least it's not emo *looks pointedly at tm's essay* =P ok everyone wish hy luckk, her results are coming out in like a min's time =)
Friday, May 22
hrmms. i'm back! was thinking if i stayed away til june.. cin can possibly claim the whole of may! it's only one more week to go. anws cin, i think you'll only see this when you're back in singapore.. possibly on the flight home now? sorry, hy mentioned a date.. but i cant rmb exactly when! we'll try to meet at least once before you guys jet off to japan k?
ok i've been mia cause i've been emo-ing (again). and as i told cin, i didnt really want to make this a sad place cause.. well, if you look back to 2006, i think i was whining in here quite alot. or at least that's what i remember doing all the time, when uni just started and adjusting wasnt easy.
i guess for the issue of playing an instrument again, the topic is already closed. i think most wld know by now that i skipped auditions for the competition, and will not be heading to netherlands anymore. and so the jinx of not being able to travel with a band for a competition still continues. haha. i had a choice this time well but chose otherwise, and felt relieved instead.
It gets really frustrating though when people think that you're running away because you're scared. Admittedly, my trumpet playing.. though slightly better, is still nowhere up to par with the others. But there came a point where.. there wasnt anything worth auditioning for, even if i wasnt up to mark. I know the way the above is being phrased sounds very drama, but that was how I truly felt. Now I kind of understand what cl meant when she says that you shldnt be needing to explain things to pple. Somehow it still frustrates. I shant go into the details here, because, whilst our blog was very stagnant, and prolly not read by others not in the know now, it is still a public one, and I should err on the side of caution.
Does cl still read the blog? I think if you read that line, you'd scold me again for taking things out of context.
and yes, cin. the thing about music. i think paula has mentioned it before, we still appreciate it and all, but i guess.. few will perform again. haha. but one thing i will NOT do regularly will be to touch the piano. i guess with the absence of music making, the piano would do. but it is incredibly frustrating to play (for me). you need coordination of both hands, and you're playing by yourself. just different.
and on about caffeine pills, my goodness. i've never heard abt them before. is it just me? -sheepish look- but that's really bad! and yeah cin. i dont know about fessing up. but i think it's good? like we all now, like you put it 'know what you are thinking normally' oh btw, i read abt eurovision in the newspapers awhile back regarding the norwegian winner. but sadly.. been too lazy to open that link.. will do soon k!
on a completely different note, however, just wanted to share that i've officially graduated. exam results came out today. contrary to what i should be feeling, like happy or excited.. i'm just like. okay. wow. i really can't believe that 3 years have passed (though I wldnt wanna stay in sch for another year) this time round, results wise, as with the bloody "A"s, haha. it is bittersweet as well. i bloody got my 2nd lower, so i shant complain. i barely made it through this sem somehow (hy you were wrong about me not completing that last 20marks!) i barely passed that module, which would spell loads of trouble. gee. i really really hope my current/potential employers will not see my results and dismiss me before i even start work :x
so that's all for now. it's been a long entry. and i hope the emo-ness has been watered down. i cant help it. but yeah. that's what i've been thinking normally for now. and abit. haha.
zhun and the rest.. i think you guys are still having exams? in any case, if you do read this, hang in there ok?
meet up with you guys soon.. i really really cant describe how much i'm looking fwd to the golden week :)
ok i've been mia cause i've been emo-ing (again). and as i told cin, i didnt really want to make this a sad place cause.. well, if you look back to 2006, i think i was whining in here quite alot. or at least that's what i remember doing all the time, when uni just started and adjusting wasnt easy.
i guess for the issue of playing an instrument again, the topic is already closed. i think most wld know by now that i skipped auditions for the competition, and will not be heading to netherlands anymore. and so the jinx of not being able to travel with a band for a competition still continues. haha. i had a choice this time well but chose otherwise, and felt relieved instead.
It gets really frustrating though when people think that you're running away because you're scared. Admittedly, my trumpet playing.. though slightly better, is still nowhere up to par with the others. But there came a point where.. there wasnt anything worth auditioning for, even if i wasnt up to mark. I know the way the above is being phrased sounds very drama, but that was how I truly felt. Now I kind of understand what cl meant when she says that you shldnt be needing to explain things to pple. Somehow it still frustrates. I shant go into the details here, because, whilst our blog was very stagnant, and prolly not read by others not in the know now, it is still a public one, and I should err on the side of caution.
Does cl still read the blog? I think if you read that line, you'd scold me again for taking things out of context.
and yes, cin. the thing about music. i think paula has mentioned it before, we still appreciate it and all, but i guess.. few will perform again. haha. but one thing i will NOT do regularly will be to touch the piano. i guess with the absence of music making, the piano would do. but it is incredibly frustrating to play (for me). you need coordination of both hands, and you're playing by yourself. just different.
and on about caffeine pills, my goodness. i've never heard abt them before. is it just me? -sheepish look- but that's really bad! and yeah cin. i dont know about fessing up. but i think it's good? like we all now, like you put it 'know what you are thinking normally' oh btw, i read abt eurovision in the newspapers awhile back regarding the norwegian winner. but sadly.. been too lazy to open that link.. will do soon k!
on a completely different note, however, just wanted to share that i've officially graduated. exam results came out today. contrary to what i should be feeling, like happy or excited.. i'm just like. okay. wow. i really can't believe that 3 years have passed (though I wldnt wanna stay in sch for another year) this time round, results wise, as with the bloody "A"s, haha. it is bittersweet as well. i bloody got my 2nd lower, so i shant complain. i barely made it through this sem somehow (hy you were wrong about me not completing that last 20marks!) i barely passed that module, which would spell loads of trouble. gee. i really really hope my current/potential employers will not see my results and dismiss me before i even start work :x
so that's all for now. it's been a long entry. and i hope the emo-ness has been watered down. i cant help it. but yeah. that's what i've been thinking normally for now. and abit. haha.
zhun and the rest.. i think you guys are still having exams? in any case, if you do read this, hang in there ok?
meet up with you guys soon.. i really really cant describe how much i'm looking fwd to the golden week :)
Tuesday, May 19
ok i'm lousy at this and i don't know how to link a video -.-
well, watch THISSSS, darlings :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBykhFyy-ZE
despite the rather dodgy ending to the link - it's the VERY newest song that ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER has composed together with DIANE WARREN for the Eurovision Song Contest 2009 PLUS in the finals, both the singer (Jade Ewen) and ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER performed - he played the piano *swooooons* and i have fallen in love with the song - though it's a tad hard to sing -.-
psst and if anyone, at all, is interested in the eurovision song contest, continue reading - if not, ignore the rest :) check out the winner - norway, alexander ryback, fairytale - and the runner-up - iceland, yohanna, is it true! i liked both songs :D compared to the second runner-up turkey -.- with a fat shakira-wannabe - ok not fat, but not sexy. i quite liked the third runner-up - azerbajain (don't know names) always - i actually jz really like the girl. and uk came in 5th :D
i am officially obsessed with eurovision~~ ahhh..
i wish i were that talented - most of them are amazingly talented - though some just try to use lots of gimmicks like fireworks and dresses that don't cover anything - check out germany - they've gotten a leading cabaret dancer for the act (not to sing of cos) and she wears like what? a corset??! and that was AFTER she was asked to revise her costume cos this is a family show x.x
well, watch THISSSS, darlings :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBykhFyy-ZE
despite the rather dodgy ending to the link - it's the VERY newest song that ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER has composed together with DIANE WARREN for the Eurovision Song Contest 2009 PLUS in the finals, both the singer (Jade Ewen) and ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER performed - he played the piano *swooooons* and i have fallen in love with the song - though it's a tad hard to sing -.-
psst and if anyone, at all, is interested in the eurovision song contest, continue reading - if not, ignore the rest :) check out the winner - norway, alexander ryback, fairytale - and the runner-up - iceland, yohanna, is it true! i liked both songs :D compared to the second runner-up turkey -.- with a fat shakira-wannabe - ok not fat, but not sexy. i quite liked the third runner-up - azerbajain (don't know names) always - i actually jz really like the girl. and uk came in 5th :D
i am officially obsessed with eurovision~~ ahhh..
i wish i were that talented - most of them are amazingly talented - though some just try to use lots of gimmicks like fireworks and dresses that don't cover anything - check out germany - they've gotten a leading cabaret dancer for the act (not to sing of cos) and she wears like what? a corset??! and that was AFTER she was asked to revise her costume cos this is a family show x.x
Monday, May 4
ahh.. i just watched some bbc documentary thing on the malvem hills, where edward elgar was born - i wasn't really watching, but i heard a familiar music and i watched on xD anyway the point is - he composed a piece 'for a choir to sing in the open, while admiring the countryside' which suddenly struck me as such a wonderful and beautiful idea, and ... if i could sing (and if i had the piece), i want to go out into the hills and sing to them :)
Friday, May 1
my dear tm, and don't say u regret it, who know how long - but a long post from xinyi at 2.20am - bad time isn't it? *shrugs*
well - i think i've said enough about the playing an instrument, and the rg thing :( and i think it just gets us upset - so i'll skip over it xD though i can't emphasize enough how much i miss and love u guys, and how i always think about the things we did - jsut teeny weeny little flashbacks i get at times :D seems so strange - i look at myself in the mirror sometimes and i look exactly the same but so much has happened since those days! and to be honest, i hate growing up :) i do.
first, there's the losing the temper thing. i think i had a phase like that - though i try not to do it so much now. in fact, i don't think i've ever done it since err a certain 'samantha' left my life - i think only huiyan will know who she is - but it was a bad time and i think i lost my temper every other day - and then everything kind of just blew up in my face - and then i moped about it for a few days - and then it seemed like it never happened. but i think i know how u feel, tm, that accidental? outburst of something harsh, something overly rash, and the moment your ears hear it, they send warning signals all over. you see those hurt eyes, and you feel that immense guilt, clashing with that innate anger? irritation? that got you saying something you don't mean to say. you don't want to apologize because you're fuming inside, and that guilt just eats at you. the whole day. and it never goes away. never.
but just one thing about the music that i want to say.. i think... maybe, just maybe, i still have that passion for music with me. i love going for concerts, the music, the ambience, i don't know. and i do love going home in the summer and trashing it out with my piano. i love to sing (in the shower - oh dear) and when i jog by myself (that's why i don't end up jogging a lot - wasting too much breath singing) - omg i can't beleive i just revealed that but that's me :) i do love it. and maybe i can't ever play it professionally or all my life but i'll love it always. and you know what, i still have that little urge to perform one day... maybe it'll be in a small place, maybe in front of my stb colleagues for a party, maybe i'll just sing, or bang out chords on the piano or bob along and pretend to sing.. and i'll treasure that spark always.
(i know i went firstly.. so i should be going secondly.. but ah well, heck xD) and paula dear, caffeine is bad for you, whether in the form of coffee or tea, or caffeine pills (that are very popular with my friends here) or walnuts. it's just bad! as you grow old, you've got to take care of yourself. i feel worried for paula that there's the swine flu and there are cases in canada :( and there's this thing about mortality. you know until like i was seventeen or eighteen, i thought death was a sort of myth, you know, like it only happens to ancient people, and death is sort of far away, and you don't see people dying, not in modern Singapore. Death is a clean affair, a packaging of the corpse, a crematorium fire that burns away all emotions. not until shuxian.. i don't think i've ever even discussed this but i think about it all the time. everytime i hear a certain song i cry cos it reminded me of the photo album her mom showed us, of her lying there, or of the ambitions that her mom so proudly told us about. and all of a sudden, death's so close. you see it. it's not a pretty sight. and it leaves scars and dangly threads. it leaves snapshots of images and endless tears. it makes me cherish life more i suppose though at times i wonder why God would claim such a pretty, smart girl and torture her family so - and why I have been left here in this world, and what am I supposed to do? maybe that's why it's quite hard for me to grasp the concept of religion?
i don't know what's with me and fessing up. maybe cos paula was saying how tm and i were updating each other on life. maybe cos it's nearly 3am. maybe cos tm was being emo too. and thankfully i haven't been drinking. or i'll be even worse probably.
on a happier note, i'm studying for my exams. i've picked feminism, marxism and postcolonialism (so if u want to chat about it, welcome) and neorealism, EH Carr and the Cold War. and i've been playing a MMRPG game :D and i've a virtual bf who's 15 years old and comes from norway (or something like that). time to feel young again ~ i miss having a 15 year old boyfriend xD lol. actually i just miss being 15 years old, and making all the mistakes in the world, and feeling great about it. :D may we always be 15!
well - i think i've said enough about the playing an instrument, and the rg thing :( and i think it just gets us upset - so i'll skip over it xD though i can't emphasize enough how much i miss and love u guys, and how i always think about the things we did - jsut teeny weeny little flashbacks i get at times :D seems so strange - i look at myself in the mirror sometimes and i look exactly the same but so much has happened since those days! and to be honest, i hate growing up :) i do.
first, there's the losing the temper thing. i think i had a phase like that - though i try not to do it so much now. in fact, i don't think i've ever done it since err a certain 'samantha' left my life - i think only huiyan will know who she is - but it was a bad time and i think i lost my temper every other day - and then everything kind of just blew up in my face - and then i moped about it for a few days - and then it seemed like it never happened. but i think i know how u feel, tm, that accidental? outburst of something harsh, something overly rash, and the moment your ears hear it, they send warning signals all over. you see those hurt eyes, and you feel that immense guilt, clashing with that innate anger? irritation? that got you saying something you don't mean to say. you don't want to apologize because you're fuming inside, and that guilt just eats at you. the whole day. and it never goes away. never.
but just one thing about the music that i want to say.. i think... maybe, just maybe, i still have that passion for music with me. i love going for concerts, the music, the ambience, i don't know. and i do love going home in the summer and trashing it out with my piano. i love to sing (in the shower - oh dear) and when i jog by myself (that's why i don't end up jogging a lot - wasting too much breath singing) - omg i can't beleive i just revealed that but that's me :) i do love it. and maybe i can't ever play it professionally or all my life but i'll love it always. and you know what, i still have that little urge to perform one day... maybe it'll be in a small place, maybe in front of my stb colleagues for a party, maybe i'll just sing, or bang out chords on the piano or bob along and pretend to sing.. and i'll treasure that spark always.
(i know i went firstly.. so i should be going secondly.. but ah well, heck xD) and paula dear, caffeine is bad for you, whether in the form of coffee or tea, or caffeine pills (that are very popular with my friends here) or walnuts. it's just bad! as you grow old, you've got to take care of yourself. i feel worried for paula that there's the swine flu and there are cases in canada :( and there's this thing about mortality. you know until like i was seventeen or eighteen, i thought death was a sort of myth, you know, like it only happens to ancient people, and death is sort of far away, and you don't see people dying, not in modern Singapore. Death is a clean affair, a packaging of the corpse, a crematorium fire that burns away all emotions. not until shuxian.. i don't think i've ever even discussed this but i think about it all the time. everytime i hear a certain song i cry cos it reminded me of the photo album her mom showed us, of her lying there, or of the ambitions that her mom so proudly told us about. and all of a sudden, death's so close. you see it. it's not a pretty sight. and it leaves scars and dangly threads. it leaves snapshots of images and endless tears. it makes me cherish life more i suppose though at times i wonder why God would claim such a pretty, smart girl and torture her family so - and why I have been left here in this world, and what am I supposed to do? maybe that's why it's quite hard for me to grasp the concept of religion?
i don't know what's with me and fessing up. maybe cos paula was saying how tm and i were updating each other on life. maybe cos it's nearly 3am. maybe cos tm was being emo too. and thankfully i haven't been drinking. or i'll be even worse probably.
on a happier note, i'm studying for my exams. i've picked feminism, marxism and postcolonialism (so if u want to chat about it, welcome) and neorealism, EH Carr and the Cold War. and i've been playing a MMRPG game :D and i've a virtual bf who's 15 years old and comes from norway (or something like that). time to feel young again ~ i miss having a 15 year old boyfriend xD lol. actually i just miss being 15 years old, and making all the mistakes in the world, and feeling great about it. :D may we always be 15!
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